girl talk

So in the space of a couple weeks, I received a very clear message that John and I are to expect another girl. I had a couple people say something along the lines of, "You're having another girl, right?"; I had a very vivid dream about a little girl; my best friend Kelly, who is one of the most intuitive peoploe I know, had a dream about a girl (and in this dream John and I were wearing panda costumes, so we'll have to see what that means); and perhaps most convincingly (for them): my sister- and brother-in-law did the "ring test," in which they held John's ring above my belly on a piece of my hair, and the ring immediately started turning in circles. According to Teresa, this scientific test is, like, 90% correct, and she and Matthew immediately were convinced that I am indeed carrying another female offspring. Matthew even bet me $100 that we would soon be welcoming a girl.

I took the bet. I mean, 50/50 odds, right? And, I want to see if my instincts this time are correct at all. I know I thought Luciya was a boy, too, but.... well. Two weeks from today is the due date, so.... we shall see!!

Anyway, we've also begun a poll, and I want everyone to chime in on their thoughts and feelings! There are prizes involved, people.

In comments, please list:

Your Name
Baby's DOB
Sex
Weight
Length
Time of Birth

** Reference: Due date is 1/24. Luciya was 12 days late and weighed 8 lbs 6 oz and was 21 inches long.

Let the guessing begin!!

xo

a year in the life

This was my first attempt at movie-making on the computer. It's amazing to look back on the past year, and to reflect on how quickly it flew by. A miscarriage, travels, new businesses, starting school, family time, another pregnancy... and that's just scratching the surface!

new year, new hope

Three weeks to go...!

bump watch - 34 weeks

More attempts at self-portraiture. John and I are headed to the cabin for a little r&r this weekend; hopefully we can find time to take some proper belly shots. Documentation, I say!






There's a baby in there!!!!!

30 weeks: name game

I can't believe there are only 10 weeks left until our due date!

Junior's (or Teddy, or August-December)'s crib is ready with cute new bedding, I've washed and folded some little outfits and blankies, and I'm dreaming more and more about holding a new little bundle. So far, the dreams I remember have featured girl babies. But something in the back of my head keeps saying "boy." Only 10 weeks until we know!

We're not settled on any names yet, and figure we'll just have to meet the baby and decide what to call him/her.

I've been putting together a list of sorts, and I'm not discounting any names if there isn't any real hesitation (got this idea from my friend Ashley). So, all kinds of names have ended up on the list. Here's a sampling. Suggestions and input are welcome!!

GIRLS:
Felicity
Eloise
Thea
Mae
Esperanza
Penelope
Iliana
Clementine
Sonoma
Zara
Makani
Mirabel
Mahina
Luna
Elina

BOYS: (Boy names are much harder than girl names!)
Cruz
Kanoa
River
Felix
Cody
Matteo
Cassius
August

Who's it gonna be?!?!

bump watch - 27 weeks

Photos courtesy of Photography by Luciya.

I can't believe we're already in the 3rd trimester!

Last weekend I went to the Stroller Strides national conference in San Diego. It was warm and beautiful and inspirational. I got certified to introduce a new program called Fit4Baby, which is geared toward prenatal clients. And I learned that just because a woman is pregnant doesn't mean she should necessarily "take it easy." So, I got my butt whooped while running, doing jumping jacks and crunches, and learning a slew of new exercises alongside dozens of other franchisees and instructors from all over the country.

I feel amazing. The baby is incredibly active and happy, too, and is quite the tiny mover and shaker. My body feels great and my sciatica is barely noticeable. It feels so good to know that I can be strong and fuel my baby and my body so healthily.


I feel so good, though, that I keep forgetting that I actually have quite the rotund size now, and I find myself doing silly things like getting wedged into spaces that are just too tight or shutting Luciya's car door without stepping far enough away, and totally scraping the Buddha bump. In the middle of the night I still think it might be possible to sleep on my belly for just a little while, but no, no, I can't deny it any more. And I'm having to get creative with my clothing (since the "Idaho mom" uniform of sweats and tees can only hold out so long). On Maui, I floated around in flowy dresses the entire time, but now that it's getting COLD I'm realizing I probably won't be able to subsist on that one pair of stretchy leggings for too much longer. It's a journey.

Less that 3 months to go until Baby's due date!

maybe baby

Baby #2 would be due in a few days. I think that's what's going on here. Sadness Overload. Depression Drama. Stressface. Captain Angst and her Platoon of Wailing Martyrs. Lonely Sobber and the Heavy Queazies. Blurred Vision in the Valley of Little Hope. Raging Hormones Against the Machine. Guilty Conscious and her Magical Troup of Brow-Beating Woe-Slingers. The Shriveled Bawler on the Tightrop of Uncertainty. Miss Understood Trudges the Hallways of Despair. Wallowfoot Lowrider.

And our number one smash hit, "Help My Face (One Minute of Sanity)".

this has been a difficult pregnancy

There, I said it.

So, let the pity party commence.

I am an emotional wreck. My hormones are all over the place, which usually means in a not-so-pleasant place. This evening was kind of the cream of the crop, when I had a break down in Fred Meyer. There I was in the salsa aisle, sobbing, with Luciya in the car cart (we have to have a car cart so she can drive every time), saying "Whatsa matta, Mama? Mama.... Maaaamaaaaaa, whatsa matta, Mama?" Classic. I felt like the woman in that tv commercial from the 80s, where the pot is boiling over, the baby is screaming, the telephone is ringing, and the calm woman's voice comes on and says, "Stop. Count to ten."

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.

I feel like, when I was pregnant with Luciya, everything was rosy and ecstatic and blissful and easy, and I'm sure there were times when I was uncomfortable, or tired, or nervous, or scared, but overall I remember it as a visit to Cloud 9.

This time around has been much, much more difficult. Right off the bat I've been scared silly, frankly, because it happened so soon after the loss of baby number 2. Add to that the constant exhaustion and queasiness, and now at 21 weeks, the onset of sciatica. Really? Already? Man, I didn't get sciatica with Luciya until well into the 3rd trimester. Doesn't help that I pulled my back today something fierce when I was organizing the garage.

Wah.

And, I've been working like a fiend. There, I said that, too. I work a lot. Every day. And even if I'm not at my 8:00 a.m. BNI meeting or teaching a Stroller Strides class or helping John with the property management business or being a full time mommy (which, on the two days a week John works doubles at the bar, is a killa, I'm just saying. I love my child, but sometimes I wish I could go outside after her bedtime and enjoy a frosty margarita), I'm busy. There's always something that needs to be done. And I'm tired! I know, wah. I know. And I know that I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

I love to work. I LOVE it. I can't imagine not working, choosing not to work. And nothing gets my goat more these days than laziness, or apathy, or waiting for the world to change for you. Because if I can get all this done, then anyone can. There, I said that, too. Even if we won the lottery - which John brings up about once a week - I know I would still work. I like to feel accomplished, and busy and bustling, and like I'm doing my best. And like I'm making a difference.

And I'm so, so blessed to be able to hold jobs that make me feel happy and fulfilled. Motherhood, for one. It's all I've dreamed about since I was wee. And Stroller Strides... thank Goddess for Stroller Strides. I truly look forward to class every day, and to seeing the beautiful mamas and delightful babies that are in my classes. How lucky am I? I KNOW. And, I get to leave class feeling so great physically. Even though I'm starting to slow down a bit. And the ol' uterus is starting to flop around during jumping jacks.

Oh, uterus of mine. You have made your presence known. Luciya kept trying to scoot closer to me tonight while sitting on my lap during story time. Sorry, kid, the lap is slowly on its way out.

Oh, Luciya. Oh, terrible, sensitive, tragic, delightful, high-strung, beautiful, two year old, Luciya. Today she purposely dumped an entire glass of water on the floor. Twice. In a row. On purpose. And then screamed and screamed and screamed. And flailed and kicked and screamed. She feels my angst, and when we are alone together, just the two of us, all... day... long..., I'm sure she is apt to be quite sensitive. Which only makes me feel more like the world's Most Awesome Mom.

Wah.

Let the phone call from my mother commence in 3...2...1....

But let's move on to the bright side, okay? Sheesh. Why you'd want to stay in Wallowville is beyond me. Upwards and onwards, I say. Life, in general, is pretty effing awesome.

Hence, the profile of Button Nose, which we saw on 09-09-09:


Awwwww, who's a cutie-patoodie?! And quite the tiny dancer, too. Throughout the entire ultrasound, s/he had the hiccups, and was moving and shaking so much that it was sometimes hard for the tech to take her measurements. But the tech is incredibly skilled, and we didn't get the slightest peek of what is between those legs. Not that I was looking. No way. I'm all about the surprise. Though, at Fred Meyer's Baby Sale tonight, cute little hooded fleece sleepers were 60% off. Flowered or blue and brown - a really cute bringing-home-baby look. I'm just saying.

(If anything, the surprise factor is great for my wallet.)

Button Nose continues to shake and wiggle and roam and glide, which is by far the coolest thing about this pregnancy. I love feeling those crazy movements. It's so surreal. And the idea that this is most likely my last pregnancy makes me want to hold onto these sweet moments and cherish them like you would any other memory that you know will be over all too soon.

And I realize that before we all know it, Button Nose will be here, and everything will be so different, and so amazing, and I'll be able to say - to KNOW - that all of this is entirely worth it, and that I am just so fortunate on so many levels, not the least of which is having the blessed ability to grow and carry this healthy baby inside of me.

So. Breathe. In and out. Count to ten. Stay focused. Get ready.

Tomorrow is another day.

bump watch: 18 weeks

Ain't no stoppin the belly poppin. Enjoy my attempts at self-portraiture.

I think I am as big now as I was when I was 6 months along with Luciya. Awesome! For the most part, I'm feeling great. I'm just so stinking t-i-r-e-dddddd

(yawn)

(Excuse me)

..... I still have to nap almost every day, and am thankful that Luciya is still a stellar napper.

I can't sleep on my tummy any more, even though I'm trying to fight it. I've been trying to place my fists under my hip bones and that worked until last week, but now I'm resigned to the pillow cage. Thank goodness for the king sized bed.

As for cravings, it's been fruit, and breakfast cereal, and... McDonald's. I couldn't tell you the last time I ate McDonald's but a few weeks ago John mentioned that McDonald's Coke is the best, sweetest, fizziest, most refreshing Coke on the planet, and this idea embedded itself in my placenta, and I have had McDonald's no less than 3 or 4 times in the past two weeks. Chicken Mcnuggets and Coke, which I literally have not drunk in years. But it scratches that itch and I'm indulging. Because I'm pregnant.

I first felt the baby move at 15 weeks, when I went in for a haircut at the beauty school that took 4 1/2 hours. It was a long time to be in a chair, and as the stylist was droning away I felt it. And then I felt it again, and it was wonderful. Since then, Kicky McTickle has been a near-constant dancer, and it allows me to get more and more accepting of and excited about the idea that we're actually going to have another baby.

Which brings me to another thought: I'm going to be a mother of two. How to people do this all the time? The idea of having multiple children just feels bizarre. I'll have to check in with Trisha, who welcomed Jenner's little sister Rory on Tuesday, and see how it feels (Congratulations, guys!). Luciya belongs here and she's totally rad and I like her a lot and she completes our family. But as I'm lifting her heavy little body into her low crib (crib lowness, Luciya weight, and bulging belly size all seem to be exponentially linked in depth and growth - oof), I am reminded that she has a sibling and we're going to meet him/her soon.

Speaking of which, the "big," 20-week ultrasound is on September 9th, and we're still dedicated to having the sex of the baby be a surprise. We'll see who it is in January!!!

Thank you, Baby, for choosing your daddy and me to be your parents. I can't wait to meet you! I know that - even though you're not due until next year, and your due date still feels like a million years away - you'll be here before we know it, and our family will be just right.

Love,

Mama

a mattress story and an announcement

We got a tempurpedic mattress topper a week ago, hoping it would combat the permanent body grooves in the mattress we've had for about 4 years and that, oddly, doesn't flip over. The insert said the new cover might take a while to get used to, though "most users sleep soundly the first night of use." We have been giving it the old college try, and the last couple nights have finally been really, deeply comfortable and we've been sleeping well.

Last night John had a hard time falling asleep and it actually took him 12 seconds to start snoring, instead of the usual six. I had just finished a couple chapters in the latest David Sedaris book, which generally isn't the best way to calm down before bed, and since John was deeply snoring I started absentmindedly banging my foot against the new tempurpedic pad. I don't know why. I just did. And John stirred. And he mumbled, "What's going on?" My answer? "I can't find my feet." And John says, "Oh," and immediately starts snoring again.

"Oh." Like "Oh, yeah, I lose my feet all the time. I hate it when that happens. But they eventually find their way home." He accepted it, in his sleep state, probably in the same way he would have accepted it had my answer been, "Ponytooth is visiting the dentist."

"Oh." (snnngggrriizzzzzz)

And I lost it. I got totally engulfed in a fit of ridiculous giggles and started convulsing in the bed until tears were streaming. John tried to wake up and join along, but just couldn't do it, which only got me going harder. And that's the way it's been.

An emotional roller coaster. Because who knows, had the same exact situation occurred 2 nights ago I might have been so annoyed with the fact that John wasn't paying adequate enough attention to what I said and I might have gotten reaaallllly pissed.

Because I'm pregnant, and that's the way it goes.

Surprise! Right? I know! Big surprise. We had one cycle after the d & c in March, and pretty much got pregnant immediately, without trying.

This week marks week 15, and we are finally starting to feel excited, and accepting. I tell you what, the beginning of this pregnancy was not enjoyable for me, at all. I was so shocked to learn we were pregnant again, and by week 7 we had had 2 ultrasounds and 2 blood tests because there was some spotting, and even the midwife thought we had possibly miscarried again. Blech. She is a wonderful woman, and mentioned, after our 3rd unscheduled stop at her office, that I might be afflicted with a touch of PTSD. Ya think?

It's been crazy. Not to mention the fact that the first trimester left me utterly exhausted. I don't remember being this tired with Luciya, but when I was pregnant with her I wasn't running two businesses and raising a toddler. I still need to sleep just about every day, and thankfully our little munchkin takes amazing 2 1/2 hour naps still. Oh, and she still sleeps 12 hours a night. AND SHE'S POTTY TRAINED! More about that later, I hope, because it's totally insane, and it happened so quickly, and we've not had one accident since we started two weeks ago.

But. Here we are. I can safely say we're pregnant, we're thrilled, and we're due January 24th.

i really loved being pregnant

You know how they say
that baby's first movements
might feel like a bubble of gas
floating down

well last night before sleeping
i felt a gas bubble
and my sleepy-mind told me
"the baby is kicking."

wait, is that....?? no, no it's not. or is it?

I have been having slight contractions since 1:30 am.
But I think they're gone now.

*Sigh*

Throughout the pregnancy I have been getting weekly email updates from babycenter.com: "Week 34!" "Week 38!" "Week 40!"

Sunday, the subject was "Your baby's first week."

Ha!

Due dates are cruel.

I have been going absolutely nutball crazy. Last night I had a sob fest for about a half hour. I had taken my third dose of castor oil in 5 days to no avail. I felt so down; I have been talking with this baby for the past 9 months and felt we had a connection. Now I have been wondering, gently asking, begging, pleading and downright demanding this child show herself, and I feel like (s)he is light years away.

I can't describe the frustration. I know (s)he is fine and happy and healthy and all the rest, but as of 4 days from now the doctors won't see it that way and I will face artificial induction.

That, and the possibility of birthing the Incredible 85 Pound Monster Baby terrify me.

I thought going on a walk today might help out these twinges I've been feeling for the last 16 hours (8 minutes apart! Kinda painful!), but, alas, once I came back from the walk I've only felt one or two.

Help me.

notes from a 29-year-old first time mother who has been avoiding caffeine

A few things I learned this morning from an article in Mothering Magazine:

- "First-time mothers can almost be counted on to deliver ten days or more after their due date."

- "The length of gestation seems to peak for babies of mothers who are around 29 years of age."

- "Caffeine consumption makes pregnancies shorter."

nobaby nobaby still nobaby

Each night as I put on my pajamas I wonder
Will this be what I'm wearing when my water breaks?
when I feel my first contraction?

In the shower each day I think about
Shaving my legs
Because soon they should be in front of
a room filled with doctors and nurses.

When I read my novel before bed I wonder
Is this the last chapter I'll read before baby's here next to me?
Is this the last book I'll have time to enjoy
for a while?

I eat a cookie and think
This is going straight to her cheeks
And all I want to do is kiss those cheeks
Even though they may hang down to her shoulders
and we'll have to part them like the Red Sea
to find her eyes and nose.

Castor oil, tea, Mexican food, sex
I walk until the pumping of my heart should push her out.
Ton Ton asks in the night Do you feel anything?
Nothing
Except frustration.
And anticipation.
A little worry.
A lot of impatience.

A week late and counting...

how low can you go

No, still nothing. But it's got to be getting closer, it's just GOT to be.

We went swimming at the community pool this morning and as I was doing some funny little underwater jogging I swear I felt a lowbaby shift.

Is this what they mean by "dropping"?


Look at that thing! It's like an overfilled water balloon! Is the baby just going to burst out my belly button after the next big meal?


It's time to get out now, Baby. People are calling, waiting, checking in, and worrying, not the least of whom is your Mommy.


You're offically a week late, and Mommy is officially not sleeping well because NOTHING is happening in your cozy little neck of the woods.



Come greet the world, child!!

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

go ask alice

For some reason, I'm inspired by the Disney movie Alice in Wonderland...

I'M LATE!!

I'm late, I'm late for a very important date.
No time to say hello, good-bye, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late I'm late
and when I wave, I lose the time I save.
My fuzzy ears and whiskers took me too much time to shave.
I run and then I hop, hop, hop, I wish that I could fly.
There's danger if I dare to stop and here's a reason why:
I'm over-due, I'm in a rabbit stew.
Can't even say good-bye, hello, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late.

A VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY TO YOU!!

Statistics prove, prove that you've one birthday,
one birthday ev'ry year.
But there are three hundred and sixty four
unbirthdays.
That is why we're gathered here to cheer.
A very merry unbirthday to you, to you.
A very merry unbirthday to you,
It's great to drink to someone and I guess that you will do.
A very merry unbirthday to you


Maybe we'll name her Alice

Soooooooooo..... a very merry unbirthday to you, late baby!!!!

tell me something i don't know

Week 41: Ways to Bring on Labor

"Is there any way I can jump-start labor naturally so I don't get induced?"

"The problem with letting nature take its course is that nature can take its time. But if you're tired of playing the waiting game (and who isn't by the week 41?), there are plenty of natural methods you can use to try to bring on labor. Will any of them do the trick? That's hard to say and even harder to prove. While some women swear by them, none of the methods has been documented as consistently effective. (That's because when they do appear to work, it's difficult to establish whether they actually worked — or whether labor, coincidentally, started on its own at the same time.) Still, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try these at home (keeping in mind that none of these will work if your body and your baby just aren't ready yet):

Walking. Whether it's the force of gravity or the swaying (or waddling) of your hips that does it, it has been suggested that walking can help ease the baby into the pelvis. And pressure in the pelvis and cervix can, in turn, get labor going. If it turns out that your stroll doesn't jump-start labor, you'll be no worse for the wear. In fact, you might be in better shape for labor — whenever it actually does begin.

Sex. Gotta love this one! Semen contains prostaglandins, which can stimulate contractions — so hopping (make that very carefully climbing) into bed with your partner and doing the deed may be an effective way to mix business with pleasure. That said, it may not be all that pleasurable when you're a week overdue and the size of a small hippo, but at least you'll have a good laugh. Plus, it may be the last time in a long time that you'll actually be able to have sex — especially if it ends up working.

Even if these methods fail, remind yourself that you will go into labor — either on your own, or with a little help from your practitioner in a week or two. (Until you do, just be thankful you're not an elephant. Then you'd only be halfway through your pregnancy!)"

frustration nation

Sung to the tune of "She'll be Comin' 'Round the Mountain":

She'll be comin' down the birth canal when she comes
She'll be comin' down the birth canal when she comes
She'll be comin' down the birth canal, she'll be comin' down the birth canal
She'll be comin' down the birth canal when she comes.....

But when will that be? We'll surely all go out to meet her when she comes... that is, if we're all still around when she comes. My mother, mother-in-law, and step daughter are all here this week for the momentous event that was to have happened about 4 days ago. Though we've kind of agreed to only talk about "it" if "something" happens, the nobaby is hovering over everyone's head. It's so thick you can almost feel it when you walk in. Where is this child?? Luciya, or the lack thereof, has become the elephant in the room.

Though I know our baby will choose the day and the time of her birth, and that she knows better than anyone when and where and how it will all happen, I have been diligently observing some of the following suggestions for natural induction. I just really don't want to have to birth a 19 pound baby. These have been passed on from friends and family, found on the internet, and even backed up by my doctor and doula.

raspberry leaf tea..................CHECK. I literally drank an entire pot last night.
spicy food.................................CHECK.
long walks ...............................CHECK. Almost daily. I've been favoring the Olinda forest, where I've gone to talk with baby since I was about 2 months pregnant.
bumpy car rides....................CHECK. Easy to do in our neighborhood.
nipple stimulation..............CHECK. Yes, per doctor's recommendation, and my doula's, I spent one hour total yesterday with my nipples in my breast pump. More today. Yippee!
sex...............................................CHECK. Wasn't sure I'd include this one, but c'mon, we all know how I got in this situation in the first place.
castor oil.......................................NOT YET. Not sure how I feel about this one. This was one of the doctor's recommendations. My doula backs is up, but warns that the cervix has to be ripe for it to take effect properly. Otherwise you may just get a bad case of the runs. But how do I know if my cervix is ripe? Ton Ton suggested that we all play a round of "How Ripe is Shemmy's Cervix" at dinner last night. It got too late. I just went to bed.

The exciting results so far?

Nada.

At my doctor's appointment yesterday I had a "nonstress test" done to make sure nobaby was doing okay in there. Turns out she's not just okay, she's perfectly fine - strong heartbeat, good movements, etc., etc. It was pretty cool to see the little readouts from the external monitor. Did you know baby's heartbeat skyrockets every time she moves? I didn't know that either. What else don't I know about you, baby? Oh yeah, when I'll get to meet you.

I would love any comments and/or suggestions you may have regarding induction, other ways to occupy my mind, and probably a good dose of Just-Relax-And-Stop-Worrying-Soon-You'll-Have-This-Baby-In-Your-Arms- And-Wonder-What-All-The-Fuss-Was-About.

Until then (when?),
Shemmy

no news is... no news

Nope. Nothin.

another nobaby poem

Easter Sunday has come and gone

Without so much as a contraction

I told my baby to come on down

… Didn’t get the desired reaction.

April 8^th has been looming for months

Nine, to be exact

Thought our daughter would be here today

But my cervix is still intact.

I know it’s too early to complain

I must have a comfy womb

She seems quite content to stay on a while

Though she’s darn near out of room

So I sit here, patient as can be

(Not really; I said I’m ready!)

“Due date, schmue date” said Baby today

"Soon you’ll see my little heady."

So, Luciya, have fun in there

But know we can’t wait to meet you

I just hope you won’t be a teenager

When we finally get to greet you.

Love,

Mama

No Easter baby for us!