bump watch - 27 weeks

Photos courtesy of Photography by Luciya.

I can't believe we're already in the 3rd trimester!

Last weekend I went to the Stroller Strides national conference in San Diego. It was warm and beautiful and inspirational. I got certified to introduce a new program called Fit4Baby, which is geared toward prenatal clients. And I learned that just because a woman is pregnant doesn't mean she should necessarily "take it easy." So, I got my butt whooped while running, doing jumping jacks and crunches, and learning a slew of new exercises alongside dozens of other franchisees and instructors from all over the country.

I feel amazing. The baby is incredibly active and happy, too, and is quite the tiny mover and shaker. My body feels great and my sciatica is barely noticeable. It feels so good to know that I can be strong and fuel my baby and my body so healthily.


I feel so good, though, that I keep forgetting that I actually have quite the rotund size now, and I find myself doing silly things like getting wedged into spaces that are just too tight or shutting Luciya's car door without stepping far enough away, and totally scraping the Buddha bump. In the middle of the night I still think it might be possible to sleep on my belly for just a little while, but no, no, I can't deny it any more. And I'm having to get creative with my clothing (since the "Idaho mom" uniform of sweats and tees can only hold out so long). On Maui, I floated around in flowy dresses the entire time, but now that it's getting COLD I'm realizing I probably won't be able to subsist on that one pair of stretchy leggings for too much longer. It's a journey.

Less that 3 months to go until Baby's due date!

eLLe - 30 month

Dear Luciya,

You're 2 and a half! Hello!

Today, as we were driving along, a song came on that said the word "hello." You said "hello!" and then asked to have your window rolled down. I rolled down your window and you shouted, "Hello, world!" As if that wasn't enough, you added, "I love you, world!" And then you continued to shout that numerous times. "I love you, world! I love you, world!" I was busting up and I said, "Yeah, you love the world?" And you smiled, all cheeky and proud and said, "Yeah! The world love me!"

Oh, stop it, child. But you know it's true. The world does love you.

Even if you are a strong-willed, independent, spicy, spirited, feisty, stubborn, active, ornery, bright and boastful little girl. Whew! You are the little toro in the proverbial china shop. Sometimes you nap, sometimes you don't. You've started hitting, which is the uncoolest thing ever. Where on earth does that come from? You run away when I call for you, you look me in the eye as you dump a fistful of veggies off your high chair tray, and you throw things.

You're insistent on dressing yourself these days. I thought I would have until you were at least three to pick out your outfits! But no, you need to pick out what you wear more often than not, and you're perefectly able to pull on, zip up, button, and snap. And as long as you can wear your shirt backwards, you're happy.

We're slowly getting ready for the baby's arrival, and since you're now completely able to sleep in your big girl bed (when you're not playing contentedly for 2 hours during "nap time"), we've removed the tent and set up the crib with new baby bedding. You point out that the crib is for the new baby, your "baby brudder-sissah," and you point to your tummy and the baby that's going to come out your "piko." But lately when I commend you on being a big girl (like today, when you went to your potty all by yourself, shut the door, wiped your bottom, and washed your hands with soap - hurray!), you say "I not a big girl, I a little baby." Tutu says that when your Uncle Adam was born, I was suddenly insistent on drinking out of a bottle again, so we'll see how it goes for you. You LOVE babies, though, and are always wanting to say hi to, point out, or cuddle any babies you see.

As determined and incessant and adept you are at being a pill-bottom and a shot-caller, you are just as passionate about loving, and kissing, and befriending, and remembering. Your sweet stinky breath when you wake up from naps and nightime is so delicious when it accompanies those sleepy snuggles. You love to play happily with me, your buddies at Stroller Strides, and increasingly by yourself with your toys and books. You give hugs and kisses all around and are very comfortable with strangers; you're confident that the world does indeed love you.

I think about you all the time, and am continually and increasingly grateful that you chose me to be your mama.

I love you, Luciya! Deeply and forever.

Love,

Mama

just what the shrink ordered

So, I've been learning a lot about antenatal depression, and that it affects as many as 1 in 10 pregnant women. And since I've been eating well, exercising a lot, sleeping fine, and have a good social network, I realized that there was something more going on when I was so, so sad, and anxious, and angry, and panicked to the point of near hyperventalation. So, I took some matters into my own hands, and contacted a local therapist who wpecializes in pre and post natal depression, and an acupuncturist.

First off, just talking and being heard is amazing, and secondly, why didn't anyone ever tell me about acupuncture? I leave feeling like I'm floating, even though lately I'm having to heft my body from side to side to roll over at night.

But. Therapy. John and I went to the first appointment together, and expressed our dedication to our marriage and each other. So we decided to get away for our first anniversary, and took up one of my Stroller Strides mamas to use her condo in Sun Valley for the weekend.

It was perfect. Autumn had already visited, but the aspen trees were still golden and twinkling, and the long, four-hour route we took through the mountains was dusted in snow.

We stopped by Red Fish Lake, which was closing that weekend for the season. The lodge looked just as I remembered it from childhood, and the water of the lake was remarkably clear.

We took in the sights of the breathtaking Sawtooth Mountains.

We went for a long walk along the Big Wood River and enjoyed delicious food, chocolate and wine. We shopped at Ketchum's cute little town center and visited a wonderful book shop and spen t way too much on chocolates. John let me rest one afternoon, and he went out and bought a coming-home outfit for the new baby.

Our last day there we woke up to snow, so we stayed in, cuddled, and watched a movie on the couch. How awesome is that? I don't think we've done anything like that since before Luciya was born.

Thanks to the mama who let us use her beautiful cabin, thanks to Tutu for watching Luciya, thanks to the therapist for making me feel less crazy, thanks to John for your patience, and blessings to those mamas-to-be out there who may not know how important it is to take care of yourself first. It will make it so much easier to take care of everyone else in the future. Depression is nothing to be ashamed about, and there are lots of resources out there and people who care.

a first

Holy cow,
A year always trips me out
Please tell me that time will slow down soon
Perhaps we'll have more chances to sit and celebrate
You and me.

Although this year has been
No picnic for its challenges
Nice things seem to come our way, and
I foresee
Very many more years together -
Eighty or so -
Rife with opportunities to work on
Strengthening all we have
And growing more beautiful as a family
Right here
You and me.

look ma, no diapers!!

eLLe - summer 2009

Dear Luciya,

Happy first day of Fall!

As we all know, I'm nutty crazy about Autumn. It makes me want to fling my fat-bellied self out into the crisp mornings and sing about the corn being as high as an elephant's eye. Which is an improvement over recent morning attitudes. So, let us take a moment to give homage to Autumn and its promise of lovely days ahead.


This summer was fun and hot and busy and full. The last two weeks of July, you took swimming lessons with your friend Eliza, and to this day, two months later, it's much of what you want to talk about. "I go kick kick kick. I blow bubbles, Moooooooo. I splash splash splash. Go swimming lessons? Go see Eliza? Need put on suit." You absolutely loved swimming lessons, and you learned a ton. By the end you could hold your head under water for five whole seconds as you kicked and pedaled to me, and Miss Amber, the instructor, said that if she didn't know better she'd have thought you'd been in the water since you were six months old. You get that from you dada, kid. Let's run with it.

Your hair is long and lovely, and I'm dedicated to getting your bangs grown out. I've come super close to just chopping them again, but I've held strong and I think it's going to be worth it in the end. Your hair is down to your shoulder blades, with beautiful ringlets at the very end. It does get in your face, and you do take out your ponies and clips, but for now, it's here to stay.

I can't believe what a big girl you are. We are having so much fun! (Okay, for the most part. You are also quite the "spirited child," and can be unbelievable ornery and argumentative and spicy and berserk. But your loviness and willingness to hug, and cute toothed smile almost always make up for it). It has just been such a joy to move from baby to little girl, and to be able to have small conversations with you, and have little mother-daughter dates, and to leave you comfortably to your own toys and games for minutes at a time.

Swimming lessons, a Stroller Strides water class, and hot, hot weather turned you into quite the water baby this summer. You love all things wet and wild. Emphasis on wild, since you are... you.

This summer has also seen you turn into Jabbertalky McGee. Talk and talk and talk. It's so stinkin' cute and adorable and heart-wrenching. You have the sweetest little voice ever. For the most part, everything you say is fairly easily discernible... at least to me. We went out to check the mail yesterday, and our neighbor was checking her mail, too. You wanted to talk to her, so I had to translate the following fascinating information: "I just wake up. I wear animal jammies! I had a little poop." Good stuff.

Like I said, for the most part you're pretty easy to understand. But then there are the few words that I simply cannot decipher, and there are the words that are simply hilariously pronounced. Smoothie = "fa-movie." And Popsicle? Well:

[Video embedding isn't working right now; see it here.]

Your big sister Eryn was here for a couple weeks in August, and you still talk about riding on the paddle boats with her. Eryn is doing great in COLLEGE HOLY COW, and working very hard at McDonald's. Keep it up, Eryn! You're amazing!

This summer has been the summer of HUGE, GIGANTIC accomplishments. We started potty training the weekend you turned 27 months old, so that means it's been just over two months since you've worn diapers outside the bed. We've had a couple accidents, one in the stroller and 3 or four while camping over labor day, but over all it's been a natural, normal progression. Then, less than a month later, we tossed the binky. We'd been using it only in the crib for naps and bedtime, and on August 14th I looked at it, torn and shredded as it was, and asked you, "Can we throw this in the garbage?" And you nodded, and helped me toss it. And that was the end of that. No more nuks nuks. Done. Gone. Not another word about it. Pretty amazing, really, since I couldn't imagine you falling asleep without on for more than two years.

Now, we're working on the Big Girl Bed. Great Grammy had a double bed in her old house that she no longer needs since she's living a couple blocks away at Spring Creek, so we took it, got some bed rails and bright new bedding, and went for it. This week, you've slept in it at night four times. Two of those nights have gone surprisingly well, and two of those nights I've had to let my heart fall out my eyes a couple times to let you cry it out. I always end up going back in, and lying with you because I don't want this transition to be a traumatic one. But it's a transition that had to happen, because a couple weeks ago you figured out how to fling yourself out of your crib, and then fling yourself over the gate to your room, and then fling yourself all over the house. You are a tenacious one, Luciya. You are one tenacious little monkey.

And naps have therefore proven impossible in the big girl bed, because it's daylight and you have free range of your whole, entire room! So, in utter napless frustration after 4 days without a nap, I huffed to the Baby Depot and bought a tent for the crib, which is now in the baby's room, and that's where you're sleeping as we speak. In your tented crib. In the baby's room.

Baby steps. And overall, I consider you to be a summer wonder child, since you have officially accomplished all three big girl steps I wanted to see you accomplish before Baby's arrival: potty trained, binky-less, and in a big girl bed. Unbelievable. You make a mama proud.

And here you are just chatting away with me. I love when you start singing your ABCs: "A-B-C-D-E-F-D-enda, enda, A-B-C-D-E-F-D..."

[See video here]

You rock my world, kid. Here's to many, many more delightful summers.

I love you, Luciya!

Love,

Mama

maybe baby

Baby #2 would be due in a few days. I think that's what's going on here. Sadness Overload. Depression Drama. Stressface. Captain Angst and her Platoon of Wailing Martyrs. Lonely Sobber and the Heavy Queazies. Blurred Vision in the Valley of Little Hope. Raging Hormones Against the Machine. Guilty Conscious and her Magical Troup of Brow-Beating Woe-Slingers. The Shriveled Bawler on the Tightrop of Uncertainty. Miss Understood Trudges the Hallways of Despair. Wallowfoot Lowrider.

And our number one smash hit, "Help My Face (One Minute of Sanity)".

this has been a difficult pregnancy

There, I said it.

So, let the pity party commence.

I am an emotional wreck. My hormones are all over the place, which usually means in a not-so-pleasant place. This evening was kind of the cream of the crop, when I had a break down in Fred Meyer. There I was in the salsa aisle, sobbing, with Luciya in the car cart (we have to have a car cart so she can drive every time), saying "Whatsa matta, Mama? Mama.... Maaaamaaaaaa, whatsa matta, Mama?" Classic. I felt like the woman in that tv commercial from the 80s, where the pot is boiling over, the baby is screaming, the telephone is ringing, and the calm woman's voice comes on and says, "Stop. Count to ten."

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.

I feel like, when I was pregnant with Luciya, everything was rosy and ecstatic and blissful and easy, and I'm sure there were times when I was uncomfortable, or tired, or nervous, or scared, but overall I remember it as a visit to Cloud 9.

This time around has been much, much more difficult. Right off the bat I've been scared silly, frankly, because it happened so soon after the loss of baby number 2. Add to that the constant exhaustion and queasiness, and now at 21 weeks, the onset of sciatica. Really? Already? Man, I didn't get sciatica with Luciya until well into the 3rd trimester. Doesn't help that I pulled my back today something fierce when I was organizing the garage.

Wah.

And, I've been working like a fiend. There, I said that, too. I work a lot. Every day. And even if I'm not at my 8:00 a.m. BNI meeting or teaching a Stroller Strides class or helping John with the property management business or being a full time mommy (which, on the two days a week John works doubles at the bar, is a killa, I'm just saying. I love my child, but sometimes I wish I could go outside after her bedtime and enjoy a frosty margarita), I'm busy. There's always something that needs to be done. And I'm tired! I know, wah. I know. And I know that I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

I love to work. I LOVE it. I can't imagine not working, choosing not to work. And nothing gets my goat more these days than laziness, or apathy, or waiting for the world to change for you. Because if I can get all this done, then anyone can. There, I said that, too. Even if we won the lottery - which John brings up about once a week - I know I would still work. I like to feel accomplished, and busy and bustling, and like I'm doing my best. And like I'm making a difference.

And I'm so, so blessed to be able to hold jobs that make me feel happy and fulfilled. Motherhood, for one. It's all I've dreamed about since I was wee. And Stroller Strides... thank Goddess for Stroller Strides. I truly look forward to class every day, and to seeing the beautiful mamas and delightful babies that are in my classes. How lucky am I? I KNOW. And, I get to leave class feeling so great physically. Even though I'm starting to slow down a bit. And the ol' uterus is starting to flop around during jumping jacks.

Oh, uterus of mine. You have made your presence known. Luciya kept trying to scoot closer to me tonight while sitting on my lap during story time. Sorry, kid, the lap is slowly on its way out.

Oh, Luciya. Oh, terrible, sensitive, tragic, delightful, high-strung, beautiful, two year old, Luciya. Today she purposely dumped an entire glass of water on the floor. Twice. In a row. On purpose. And then screamed and screamed and screamed. And flailed and kicked and screamed. She feels my angst, and when we are alone together, just the two of us, all... day... long..., I'm sure she is apt to be quite sensitive. Which only makes me feel more like the world's Most Awesome Mom.

Wah.

Let the phone call from my mother commence in 3...2...1....

But let's move on to the bright side, okay? Sheesh. Why you'd want to stay in Wallowville is beyond me. Upwards and onwards, I say. Life, in general, is pretty effing awesome.

Hence, the profile of Button Nose, which we saw on 09-09-09:


Awwwww, who's a cutie-patoodie?! And quite the tiny dancer, too. Throughout the entire ultrasound, s/he had the hiccups, and was moving and shaking so much that it was sometimes hard for the tech to take her measurements. But the tech is incredibly skilled, and we didn't get the slightest peek of what is between those legs. Not that I was looking. No way. I'm all about the surprise. Though, at Fred Meyer's Baby Sale tonight, cute little hooded fleece sleepers were 60% off. Flowered or blue and brown - a really cute bringing-home-baby look. I'm just saying.

(If anything, the surprise factor is great for my wallet.)

Button Nose continues to shake and wiggle and roam and glide, which is by far the coolest thing about this pregnancy. I love feeling those crazy movements. It's so surreal. And the idea that this is most likely my last pregnancy makes me want to hold onto these sweet moments and cherish them like you would any other memory that you know will be over all too soon.

And I realize that before we all know it, Button Nose will be here, and everything will be so different, and so amazing, and I'll be able to say - to KNOW - that all of this is entirely worth it, and that I am just so fortunate on so many levels, not the least of which is having the blessed ability to grow and carry this healthy baby inside of me.

So. Breathe. In and out. Count to ten. Stay focused. Get ready.

Tomorrow is another day.

scene from dsi: dog scene investigation

This is just one of the fun photos from our recent trip to Eastern Oregon for our annual Labor Day trip with the Highlands. You can see more pictures here.

Most of the pictures are of the terrific two-year-old twosome, Jenner and Luciya. It has been an amazing experience to watch them grow together over the past few summers at the Spread!

2007:



2008:



2009:

bump watch: 18 weeks

Ain't no stoppin the belly poppin. Enjoy my attempts at self-portraiture.

I think I am as big now as I was when I was 6 months along with Luciya. Awesome! For the most part, I'm feeling great. I'm just so stinking t-i-r-e-dddddd

(yawn)

(Excuse me)

..... I still have to nap almost every day, and am thankful that Luciya is still a stellar napper.

I can't sleep on my tummy any more, even though I'm trying to fight it. I've been trying to place my fists under my hip bones and that worked until last week, but now I'm resigned to the pillow cage. Thank goodness for the king sized bed.

As for cravings, it's been fruit, and breakfast cereal, and... McDonald's. I couldn't tell you the last time I ate McDonald's but a few weeks ago John mentioned that McDonald's Coke is the best, sweetest, fizziest, most refreshing Coke on the planet, and this idea embedded itself in my placenta, and I have had McDonald's no less than 3 or 4 times in the past two weeks. Chicken Mcnuggets and Coke, which I literally have not drunk in years. But it scratches that itch and I'm indulging. Because I'm pregnant.

I first felt the baby move at 15 weeks, when I went in for a haircut at the beauty school that took 4 1/2 hours. It was a long time to be in a chair, and as the stylist was droning away I felt it. And then I felt it again, and it was wonderful. Since then, Kicky McTickle has been a near-constant dancer, and it allows me to get more and more accepting of and excited about the idea that we're actually going to have another baby.

Which brings me to another thought: I'm going to be a mother of two. How to people do this all the time? The idea of having multiple children just feels bizarre. I'll have to check in with Trisha, who welcomed Jenner's little sister Rory on Tuesday, and see how it feels (Congratulations, guys!). Luciya belongs here and she's totally rad and I like her a lot and she completes our family. But as I'm lifting her heavy little body into her low crib (crib lowness, Luciya weight, and bulging belly size all seem to be exponentially linked in depth and growth - oof), I am reminded that she has a sibling and we're going to meet him/her soon.

Speaking of which, the "big," 20-week ultrasound is on September 9th, and we're still dedicated to having the sex of the baby be a surprise. We'll see who it is in January!!!

Thank you, Baby, for choosing your daddy and me to be your parents. I can't wait to meet you! I know that - even though you're not due until next year, and your due date still feels like a million years away - you'll be here before we know it, and our family will be just right.

Love,

Mama

giant ears

Ummm... are they wearing prosthetic ears? What happened?

growin like a.....

Seriously. This weed is John's special summer project.

a mattress story and an announcement

We got a tempurpedic mattress topper a week ago, hoping it would combat the permanent body grooves in the mattress we've had for about 4 years and that, oddly, doesn't flip over. The insert said the new cover might take a while to get used to, though "most users sleep soundly the first night of use." We have been giving it the old college try, and the last couple nights have finally been really, deeply comfortable and we've been sleeping well.

Last night John had a hard time falling asleep and it actually took him 12 seconds to start snoring, instead of the usual six. I had just finished a couple chapters in the latest David Sedaris book, which generally isn't the best way to calm down before bed, and since John was deeply snoring I started absentmindedly banging my foot against the new tempurpedic pad. I don't know why. I just did. And John stirred. And he mumbled, "What's going on?" My answer? "I can't find my feet." And John says, "Oh," and immediately starts snoring again.

"Oh." Like "Oh, yeah, I lose my feet all the time. I hate it when that happens. But they eventually find their way home." He accepted it, in his sleep state, probably in the same way he would have accepted it had my answer been, "Ponytooth is visiting the dentist."

"Oh." (snnngggrriizzzzzz)

And I lost it. I got totally engulfed in a fit of ridiculous giggles and started convulsing in the bed until tears were streaming. John tried to wake up and join along, but just couldn't do it, which only got me going harder. And that's the way it's been.

An emotional roller coaster. Because who knows, had the same exact situation occurred 2 nights ago I might have been so annoyed with the fact that John wasn't paying adequate enough attention to what I said and I might have gotten reaaallllly pissed.

Because I'm pregnant, and that's the way it goes.

Surprise! Right? I know! Big surprise. We had one cycle after the d & c in March, and pretty much got pregnant immediately, without trying.

This week marks week 15, and we are finally starting to feel excited, and accepting. I tell you what, the beginning of this pregnancy was not enjoyable for me, at all. I was so shocked to learn we were pregnant again, and by week 7 we had had 2 ultrasounds and 2 blood tests because there was some spotting, and even the midwife thought we had possibly miscarried again. Blech. She is a wonderful woman, and mentioned, after our 3rd unscheduled stop at her office, that I might be afflicted with a touch of PTSD. Ya think?

It's been crazy. Not to mention the fact that the first trimester left me utterly exhausted. I don't remember being this tired with Luciya, but when I was pregnant with her I wasn't running two businesses and raising a toddler. I still need to sleep just about every day, and thankfully our little munchkin takes amazing 2 1/2 hour naps still. Oh, and she still sleeps 12 hours a night. AND SHE'S POTTY TRAINED! More about that later, I hope, because it's totally insane, and it happened so quickly, and we've not had one accident since we started two weeks ago.

But. Here we are. I can safely say we're pregnant, we're thrilled, and we're due January 24th.

eLLe - july 2009

Dear Luciya,

There is a poem attributed to Longfellow that has been playing in my mind lately:

There was a little girl who had a little curl

right in the middle of her forehead

And when she was good she was very very good

And when she was bad she was horrid.

And there you have it. There's your 27 month post.

Okay, I can write a little more. And it will be easy tonight, because you've been awesome and spectacular and happy and loving and bright and cuddly and inquisitive and amazing and not screechy and tormented and demanding and flailing and... well, you can get like that lately and it's not gorgeous. But when you are sweet you are sweet, and you hug and kiss and say "I love you."

By far, the biggest and best accomplishment of the last couple months has been your jabber mouth. You are succcchhhh a talker, and it's so hilarious and charming! I can't tell you how delightful it is to have conversations with you.


Here are a few of your best utterings as of lately:

I See the Moon

[Looking up at a daytime half-moon]:

Luciya: "Moon! Hi, Moon!"

Mama: "Hi, Moon!"

Luciya (stretching her arms up): "I tan't reach it! Mama do it."

Mama: "I can't reach it, either!"

Luciya (calling to Uncle): "Uncle! Help! Uncle reach the moon!" [Slapping her thighs like she's calling Mila] "T'mere, Moon! T'mon! T'mon, Moon!!"




Benedictions

Mama: [Sneezes]

Luciya: "Bless you, Mama."

Mama: "Thank you, Luciya."

Luciya: "Bless you, Baby. Bless you, Mila. Bless you, Dada. Bless you, Gampaw. Bless you, Toilet."

One of the coolest accomplishments is the loss of referring to yourself in the third person as 'Baby,' and referring to yourself as "I." I know this is some remarkable turning point, a statement of you realization of individuality, a leap into toddlerhood. It's actually remarkable.

The "I"s Have It

"I did it!"

"I got new shoes!"

"I want one."

"I need cookie."

Conversing

Luciya: "Mila's outside. Mama boobies pretty. Have some more cereal?

Mama: "What do you say?"

Luciya: "Puh-le-le-le-le-leeease?"



You've been using your "l" sound a lot lately: playing is "puh-lay" instead of "pay" and the color blue is "baloo." You like to look for "calouds" in the sky and are very good at saying "puhleese."

By far, the most exciting development this month is the fact that you're using the potty more and more. For the past 3 days, your daddy and I have been diligently working with you on the Diapers Free 3 Day Potty Training method, and by Jove, it's working! It must be the dance your daddy and I have devised, loudly praising "Pee-pee in the pot-TY!" every time you make a successful tinkle. It might also be the reward of 2 M&Ms per tinkle, which I guess I didn't think through very well, since yesterday you went pee pee in the potty seven times.

But it's awesome, and we're so proud of you. If we stick with this program, you'll have to be bare-bottomed under pants for 3 months! We'll see how it goes, but at this point, especially considering it's 100 degrees outside, I'm up for anything!

I love you, Luciya!

Love,
Mama

brownies, nom, nom, nom...

gams and gampaw

Grams and Grandpa, John's parents, were just visiting for 2 lovely, leisurely weeks.

Peter and Ophelia were mid-roadtrip before an exciting move to VIETNAM!! Since I have been such a lazy blogger, check out their post on the Idaho leg of their journey here.

Love you both! Thanks for a great stay-cation!!!!