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Monday, February 23, 2009

silent

I found out I was pregnant on inauguration day (Gobama!). Since then it's all been setting in: the emotional rollercoaster, the tender boobs, the need for chocolate chip cookies. It has been such a blessing to have this little bundle to look forward to, especially since the last three months have been the absolute worst of my life, with all this business crap to deal with.


We had our first appointment with the midwife today, where we discussed everything in an open, friendly atmosphere - the baby's birth date: September 30 (my favorite time of the year! And, Luciya and the babe will be 2 1/2 years apart - perfect!) We discussed how we've decided to NOT find out the sex. We went over emergency procedures and all the offerings of the ld&r section of St. Al's.

Then the midwife went to listen for the heartbeat with her little microphone. I held my breath as she moved all around to locate it - to no avail. No problem, she said, my uterus was probably just lying low. So we went in to see the ultrasound tech. 

She found the sac but it looked so small she tried again by inserting an internal ultrasound. Again, just a little black spot. The midwife and the tech stepped out of the room without a word to let me change. John and I looked at each other and that's when we knew.

The baby has died inside of me.

It's now up to my body to figure that out, and get rid of it.


7 comments:

CB said...

We are here for you.
Love
Christina, Lucas and Eliza

Daina said...

*wraps Emily, John and Luciya in a big hug* Your sweet baby is a guardian angel who will watch over you and be with you forever--just in a different way than expected.

Sending you healing thoughts and payers,
Daina

Zach, Erin, & Grace said...

You, John, and Luciya are in our thoughts and prayers!! Please let us know if you need anything, anything at all!
Love...Erin, Zach, and Grace

Elaine said...

Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I love you.

The Smith Family said...

OH Emily. We are so sorry to hear that. I wish we could give you big hugs! We are thinking of you....

Lala said...

Oh Emily, I am so sorry. I am crying for you, I've gone through the same thing many times. If you ever need someone to talk to...Lauren

Brandie said...

Emily,
I am so sorry for you and your family. You are constantly in my thoughts.