silent

I found out I was pregnant on inauguration day (Gobama!). Since then it's all been setting in: the emotional rollercoaster, the tender boobs, the need for chocolate chip cookies. It has been such a blessing to have this little bundle to look forward to, especially since the last three months have been the absolute worst of my life, with all this business crap to deal with.

We had our first appointment with the midwife today, where we discussed everything in an open, friendly atmosphere - the baby's birth date: September 30 (my favorite time of the year! And, Luciya and the babe will be 2 1/2 years apart - perfect!) We discussed how we've decided to NOT find out the sex. We went over emergency procedures and all the offerings of the ld&r section of St. Al's.

Then the midwife went to listen for the heartbeat with her little microphone. I held my breath as she moved all around to locate it - to no avail. No problem, she said, my uterus was probably just lying low. So we went in to see the ultrasound tech. 

She found the sac but it looked so small she tried again by inserting an internal ultrasound. Again, just a little black spot. The midwife and the tech stepped out of the room without a word to let me change. John and I looked at each other and that's when we knew.

The baby has died inside of me.

It's now up to my body to figure that out, and get rid of it.