silent

I found out I was pregnant on inauguration day (Gobama!). Since then it's all been setting in: the emotional rollercoaster, the tender boobs, the need for chocolate chip cookies. It has been such a blessing to have this little bundle to look forward to, especially since the last three months have been the absolute worst of my life, with all this business crap to deal with.

We had our first appointment with the midwife today, where we discussed everything in an open, friendly atmosphere - the baby's birth date: September 30 (my favorite time of the year! And, Luciya and the babe will be 2 1/2 years apart - perfect!) We discussed how we've decided to NOT find out the sex. We went over emergency procedures and all the offerings of the ld&r section of St. Al's.

Then the midwife went to listen for the heartbeat with her little microphone. I held my breath as she moved all around to locate it - to no avail. No problem, she said, my uterus was probably just lying low. So we went in to see the ultrasound tech. 

She found the sac but it looked so small she tried again by inserting an internal ultrasound. Again, just a little black spot. The midwife and the tech stepped out of the room without a word to let me change. John and I looked at each other and that's when we knew.

The baby has died inside of me.

It's now up to my body to figure that out, and get rid of it.

'cause all she wants to do is dance, dance

Luciya wandered away from her Dada today and came back in possession of two CDs. John swears he doesn't have a clue where she went or where they came from. He's got boxes of CDs stored in the furnace room, but the boxes are sealed and the door was still closed. 

Here are the random selections now sitting on my desk:

and

I'm so excited to listen to about 46 hours of Neil Diamond. You think I'm kidding?

peanut butter jelly time!

to my husband on our 8th valentine's day

Happy to be your baby-mama

Proud to be your wife

Looking forward to many more years

Of this interesting life!

Even though you make me crazzy

And I know I do the same

I have faith we're meant to be

Because our true love isn't lame.

Like this poem.

Oh, well. I just try.

I love you.

Shemmy

projects

The past few weeks have been dreary gray-bone chilly-nut heavy-sky days, and we've found ourselves indoors much more than we'd like to admit. So, taking advantage of Uncle Mikey's presence and the onset of cabin fever, we've started tackling some household projects that have been topics of conversation for months. 

Inspiration: Half-counter in the corner of the kitchen with 3 cupboards underneath. Not conducive to family eating; very good for gathering clutter.

Step 1: Clear off the mess. Remove the cupboards.

Step 2: Don pink rubber boots and Inspiration Tutu in order to more effectively help in construction efforts.

Step 3: Rip the effer off the wall using any power tools necessary. (A woodworker neighbor with said power tools comes in handy in this step.)

Step 4: Pause. Now what?

Step 5: Spackle and repaint.

Step 6: Furnish. 

We already had the chairs, rug, and bench. We got the table at Fred Meyer for $119.

We're waiting on the finishing touch - a strip of board to cover the bottom portion of the lovely "wall tile" where the counter was ripped out.

I LOVE this. We have eaten here, as a family every single day for the last week. We've played cards and painted pictures. And we don't miss the cupboard space at all. It's like a whole new kitchen!!

luciya pooped in the potty!!!!! luciya pooped in the potty!!!!

So, Luciya likes to practice sitting on the potty. Sometimes she'll pull down her pants, sometimes she'll leave them on, but she always likes to grab exactly one square of toilet paper, pretend to wipe, and the toss it into the "big potty" and say "bye bye!" as we flush it away.

She's never actually peed or pooped in the potty, though, and I'm not worried, since we're not in an extreme rush to potty train or anything, but I've wondered if she really knew what the whole potty business was really about.

This evening, after picking up a few things at the Costco, Luciya and I had a lovely date for two at McGrath's Fish House. This is the second of such mommy-daughter dates out for a meal, and both times she has behaved incredibly well. She ate her veggies, stayed in the high chair, and didn't throw a single morsel of food on the floor. We laughed together and quite enjoyed our meal. When we came home I ran a bath for Luciya and before getting her in the water we each sat on our respective potties, as is custom. I didn't think anything of it until Luciya got up from her potty and there were THREE BIG BEAUTIFUL TURDS sitting there in the bowl!!! Like, no big deal, Mom, I just had to poop, so I did it in the POTTY! Such a big girl.

I hope you can sympathize somewhat with my absolute elation. I'm just so proud (sniff, tear).

And you can kind of hear it in my voice in the requisite video that followed. (Warning: video includes one second of footage of actual poop.)

hooray!!! from shemmy on Vimeo.

eLLe - 21 months

Dear Luciya,

Well, my darling child, it's the first month of the year, so it's time to dedicate this month's post in a series of haikus. Ahem...

Why We Tape your Diapers On

You strip down in bed

If I find poop smear once more

I'm gonna lose it

Salutations

Say "Hello" to all

"Hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi!"

Don't forget "Bye-bye!"

Hitch

Pull your pants up high

Might as well be comfy, huh

Look at that belly!



Jammin'

What's up, sticky face?

Like you never ate before

Blackberry kisses

Burrbone

Chilly, isn't it?

Let's bundle up those cheekies

And still go outside

Tantruminus Giganticorus

Flail kick scream protest

Life is just unfair these days

We get it, you're peeved




Away
California girl
Holidays were so much fun
What a good trav'ler



Girls, Girls, Girls, Girls
Cousins and sister
Sweet seeing you together
We love and miss you!



Our Spot

In San Francisco

We took you to Dolores

You jumped in puddles




Monkey Pajamas
Monkey pajamas
Oh yes, monkey pajamas
Monkey pajamas




Training Days
Panties and Pull-Ups
And fast potty breaks, oh my!
Let's go diaper-free!




Move
Run, dance, almost jump
Discover your body free
Swing like a monkey




A Big Kid Now
Why are you so big?
Not a baby anymore
Holy toddlerhood!




Little Mother
Wee baby mama
Caring for your stuffed doll friends
And reading them books




Visitor
Uncle Mikey's here
An instant affinity
Three more months to go!




Look Who's Talking
Moon, hair, hi baby, brush
More, cookie, and for "thank you"
You can say "Heeh-heeh"




I Smile Wearily
Look at you go, girl
Nonstop beauty in motion
And so worth it all

I love you, Luciya!!

Love,
Mama

gobama!

1.20.09

baack in aaction (dontcha know)

Okay, here I am... here we are! Lots going on! We had a great holiday season in California... and now we're getting back into the swing of things in Idaho, where it's freezing! Not even pretty freezing... inversion, which is the climate equivalent of black lung. It's good to be home!

eLLE - 20 months

Dear Luciya,

Oh, hi!

I think you got scared of the dark tonight, for the first time. Your "baby," who has been sleeping in a little wooden cradle in your room and who you've begun placing on my lap, with her blankie, so that I can read her a story, was in Eryn's room, where you had left her earlier today. I was so impressed that you understood me when I said, "You left the baby in Sister's room, on the chair. Can you go get her?" You walked down the dark hallway, opened the door to her bedroom, which was also dark, and came running out of the room with Baby. I sat in the living room clapping, so proud of you for understanding what I said, when you burst into tears and came running toward me. I think walking into the pitch dark room was disorienting, and you got scared! Poor baby. We turned on all the lights ("yites") and I think you felt better after that.

"Yites" is a new word in your rapidly expanding vocabulary. Each day it seems you've learned another word, and you use it in just the right context. You've also begun to put together two-word "sentences," which include "baby book" (as in, Mommy sit in the chair and read a book to Baby, please), and "mo pees" (more please). "Please" kills me. I have been working with you on using "please," and getting you to understand that if you use it you'll get what you want, but now you'll stand at my feet and look up at me, pleading and lightly clapping your hands and say "pees?" You want me to pick you up, and since you know that please will work, I have to. You little trickster. My back is killing me lately!

Here are some words you know enough to use just about every day: hi, dada, mama, bye-bye, no, please, more, up, book, baby, dog, Mimi ("Mila"), purse, banana, fruit, apple, milk, snack, nuknuk, help, Tutu, shoes, hand, bubbles, ball, socks, shirt, pants, eye, eat. You also have funny words for things: "nini" means "gloves" (naturally), "bulilup" is "zipper" and if you say "a-a-a-a" you want to hand me something.

Oh, the "bulilup." You are obsessed with zippers. You must zip and unzip and zip and unzip, whether you're the one wearing the zipper or not. And even though the fleece footy jammies we put you in every night have a little snap-top over the zipper, eight mornings out of ten we find you in your crib with your jammies completely undone. Your Tutu and I got to enjoy round two of "Take-Off-My-Poopy-Diaper-And-Smear-Its-Contents-On-Every-Conceivable-Surface," and on two other occasions you've been bare-butted with just a wet diaper laying there. So, we've begun using packing tape on your diaper at night, since we can think of no other solution at this time (anything? Anyone?). I certainly hope this obsession passes soon.

"Hi" has got to be your most-used word of all. You and I get to the mall early to set up for Stroller Strides classes and you greet every passing mall walker (who knew there were so many mall walkers?) with a "hi!" You say it over and over, not skipping anyone. I have to admit, I think it's charming and adorable. I'd say most of the walkers do, too, though the Crotcheties certainly exist. You continue to be a better and better stroller-sitter, and you know the routine of cool-down at the end of the hour, and that as soon as we clap you're FREE! You start clapping before we do.

This month you saw your first video, a Baby Einstein from Aunty Danielle, which you watched in your Dada's truck on the drive back down from the mountains. While I certainly have mixed feeling about this (read: mostly negative feelings), you've shown that Dada's truck is the only place you have any interest in watching a screen, and Dada said you were excellent on the ride down, and intrigued by the singing puppets and animal footage, so if a half hour video in Dada's truck every once in a while is going to happen, I resign myself. We made it 20 months without screen time. Not too bad.

We leave in a few days to celebrate the holidays with your Grams and Grandpa Peter and Grandpa Dave and cousins and sister and Aunty and Uncle in Southern  California. We have a lot of flying ahead of us, a lot of flying out of cold and snowy weather (it's been coooold!), so I am praying that everything goes smoothly! We're so excited to spend some time with your dada's family, and then we're headed to Napa Valley for a few days to see Tutu and Uncle Adam and Aunty Danielle. What fun! And, I might say, what a nice way to ring in 2009, which is going to be the BEST. YEAR. EVERRRRRRRRR.

I love you, Luciya!

Love, 

Mama

the making of a future chocoholic

Making brownies for Dada! Luciya had her first taste of the nectar of the gods. 

your comment here

Leave a comment about the poll, if you'd like. Goodness knows we could use any sage advice right now!

another first

What's up, red suit? Yeah, you like my dress? It was my mom's.

Merry Christmas!!

itchy and scratchy

A couple nights ago something bit me on my butt while I was sleeping. A spider maybe? Anyway, I have a big ol' scratchy bite there now. This is relevant, I promise. Because isn't there a saying about a seven year itch?

Last night John and I celebrated 7 years of being together. 

Even though we finally heard back from the Lentzes yesterday (the people we bought the business from), and the news was not good, we took advantage of a night off and whooped it up downtown. Things will get better, because they simply have to. 

And if we can make it this long, and through this much, and still find ourselves so blessed and happy together, well, then, we win anyway. So there. 

It's funny to think that, after seven years, I'm still not as old as John was when we started dating! I was 23 and he was 31. I look at 23 year olds now and I think, little babies! What a cradle robber this guy is! But he must of done something right. He's done a lot of things right. I love you, Ton-Ton. Thanks for making me stronger. 

don't let the sun go down on me

eLLe - 19 months

Dear Luciya,

It's been the best of times, it's been the worst of times. 

I borrowed the essence of that sentence from a famous author, Dickens, I think. Maybe you will have to read him for school some day... that is, if by that point all reading materials aren't being transmitted electronically into a computerized wristband or something. (And if that is indeed the case, my dear, then you can rest assured that we'll be getting our hands on every book we can find and squiring ourselves away at Tutu's cabin - where we just enjoyed a lovely and relaxing Thanksgiving holiday - and there we'll hike along the river shores and read books all day long.)

Yesterday morning when I went in to your room to get you up, I was immediately struck by two things: first, that you appeared to be naked from the waist up - from what I could see above the crib railing - and second, the whole room stunk to high heavens. Sure enough, upon closer inspection I saw that you'd unzipped your jammies, pulled them off, removed your poopy diaper, and proceeded to smear its contents all over your bed, your hair, your blankie, the curtains, the crib.... I had to fetch your dada from where he was raking leaves outside so that he could come help me out by (laughing, and) plopping your crusty, stinky little body in the bath. (I took a picture of the funny fiasco, but wouldn't dare post it on the blog. Some nutball stranger might, you know, go off on a tangent.)

Earlier this month we went to see Dr. Angie for your 18 month checkup. You charmed the pants off her when, in response to a question about how we spend our days I mentioned the word "dance" and you stopped what you were doing to shake your little booty for a while. Dance and dance, la la la, it's what we love to do! You are 26 pounds and - suddenly - 33 inches long. I had suspected you were going through a growth spurt, but indeed, you shot from the 50th percentile for height to the 80th, in under 6 months. Maybe you won't be inheriting your dada's stubby legs after all! Or, maybe this is the last growth spurt we'll see for another 5 years. Who knows. 

After the doctor's appointment, we went to the mall so that I could map out some indoor routes for Stroller Strides, and there we shared a large soft pretzel. I was dipping my pieces into some mustard, and you immediately caught on. And since then, Deary, you will not eat a morsel of food unless you have something in which to dip it. I have had to get creative in this area, and in the last week or so you have dipped your eggs in syrup, your apples in hummus, and your peanut butter and jelly sandwich in ranch dressing. I realized a few days ago, however, that the best dip I could offer you is pureed baby food (duh!), and you're pleased as punch to dip your carrot slices into... blended carrots. That's how you roll.

Another mealtime tradition we taught you once and which you've grown to love, is toasting. "Cheers"ing. You hold your sippy cup up to my drink, or your dada's or your tutu's and say "deesh," which means "cheers." And hen you drink up. If you drink to fast or find yourself having a choking fit for whatever reason, you dada has taught you to hold both hands in the air. So now you'll sometimes "fake cough" and hold up your arms.

You are so observant and sharp, we've really got to watch what we say lately. Your dada and I have taken to spelling words in front of you, because if you hear anything that sounds like "snack," or "nuknuk," or any of the myriad words you understand (and are beginning to say!) so completely, you won't let the subject drop. 

You took your first bad tumble on some pavement a couple weeks ago, which resulted in a goose egg on your forehead, scraped knuckles on your right hand and a nasty little scratch on the palm of your left. I know that scratch on your palm has been bothering you, because you'll whimper and hold it out to me for a kiss. You first owie! After that fall you cried and cried, and you opened your mouth so wide that I noticed a huge molar digging its way up into your bottom gums. Talk about owie! You've got another sprouting on the other side. But you've still be cheery and cheeky, and sleeping just fine. I had to actually go in and wake you up this morning at 9:30 - after 15 hours of sleep! I was worried, but of course you were chipper and ready to face the day, and of course right now you're refusing to go down for a nap. Makes sense, I guess. 

Your looks are changing so much. Your hair keeps growing and growing, and I finally gave in the other day an cut some bangs for you, since your hair is constantly in your face and you refuse to leave clips or ties in for too long. You also haven't worn earrings for over a month now, because you started ripping them out. We even bought some screw-back earrings that took a lot of struggle to put in, and you managed to rip those out, too! So, you're unadorned. For now. 

In looking at the pictures of you that I am posting this month, I'm noticing that you're all bundled up. It's coooooold! That's one of your new favorite words, and you say it just like that. I'll open the freezer door and you'll stand in front of it and say "cooooooold!" I think you like that it makes us laugh. You're pretty keen on that, and quite the little charmer. At a recent class at the Little Gym, the instructor asked you to give her a high five during circle time. You ignored her, but you proceeded to go around the entire circle and shake hands with or give high fives to every single mother seated there (there were about 15). It stopped the class so that they could all ooh and ahh over your charms. My little budding politician.

I can't help but feel that the "worst of times" business is making itself felt to you. This country as a whole has been experiencing some pretty terrifying and uncertain times, and your daddy and I are struggling with our own difficulties. However, we were all witness this month to an historic Presidential election that I know you will grow to recognize as an incredible truth, and hopefully a sign of better things to come. I am just so thankful for you,  and your health and happiness. You are truly the best thing that has happened to me and I know that if the world could just look through your big, happy eyes for a while it would be such a better place. We have so much to be grateful for, little girl.

I love you, Luciya!

Love,

Mama