Before the Grace of You

And as I watch the drops of rain weave their weary paths and die I know that I am like the rain; There before the grace of you go I.

- Simon and Garfunkel


On the eve of her fifth birthday,
A poem to my first-born...

be strong and love to live, know that you are god and god is you
find a tree that your can climb, follow what's to follow through
be happy for all that there is
to be and see and know and feel
you are here because you should be
make your life full fun and real

know that you are safe and lovely
know that you are wise and sure
love is living, so keep loving
laugh and give and laugh some more

when you want to hug or listen
hug and listen, hold and share
say all that your heart is saying
dream in safety, leap in dare

give thanks for all that comes your way
blessed be your joyful heart
know that Life is just beginning
and you're here to help it start

in the shine of your eyes and the prance of your feet
in the brightness of life that you meet

in the wideness and weirdness and
tumblesome steps
take advantage of breathing,
have no regrets

you are amazing
alive, you're a miracle
dance it, believe it
be you and that's all the world can hope for

as long as you stay good
and be the best your heart can be
you are living, so don't worry.

let it go and know
that as your grow the world grows, too
and so it is, and it is so
i watch you and encourage you as you grow.

I love you, Luciya!

Love,
Mama

before rising

i still get raw

strength is fine and embraceable and it deserves my gratitude
but if i need to crumble sometimes it's just so sweet to fall

because
as delightful as it all is, always,
my heart does sink and flutter
and i feel the need to follow it down

blissful as existence is
the weight of it can shoulder me
and i roll into it like a heavy blanket
that lets me disappear

i do embrace the world that lives
i do squeeze all the grace i can from saplings clinging to hope i shovel into the soil
but sometimes the choice to backpedal is a freedom
and i need to cherish the lowness before
i can climb again

maybe it's the beauty of it all
maybe it's the pain
but that which gives a voice when it's needed
is louder than i can try to deny

burden is mine and it's alright to admit it
to let the gloss slip away and
be purplish-rare

it's rare
yes

and then the beauty trickles back in
with a gasp and a sigh
a finger on my backbone
that whispers feel this now
and then remember

superfluous sinking thoughts
inevitably are not my forte
but if i can allow my brittle endurance to be held
in an embrace other than my own
i should let it sink
and know that i am safe

that i might be mighty
that i could change the seared hopes of the broken
this is my fire
and chaos does not dampen it

but for now
i allow outside comfort to find me
that i may rest here
before rising.

what i have become

I am a friend to inspiring women. I am a wife to a kind, responsible, and adorable husband. I am a daughter to intelligent, loving parents and a sister to a brother who makes me smile. I am a business owner and proud of the opportunities I have every day. I am a reader, a dreamer, a lover of laughter.

But my real existence began four years ago. Now,

I sleep with one ear open.

I cringe at words like "hate."

I delight in knuckle dimples and stinky morning breath.

I am what I was meant to be. A mama.


An Ode to Knuckle Dimples

This minuscule chub
tugging, serene,
accentuated by the essence of Adorable;
dimpled pudgily and softly astonishing
your tiny infant hands

I linger in your dainty caresses
those dimpled knuckles trailing softly across my neck
fingers twirling my hair at the nape.
Your baby hand can disappear in mine still
I rediscover it time and again
and devour it with kisses.

Don't let those fingers stretch away
the wrinkly warm spots
that make me smile.
Don't grow too fast, my baby,
stay
and let me knead you for a while.

auma

Dear Kelly,


I just wanted to give you a little shout out and thank you for being the most awesomest of the awesome.

For the past twelve years you've had a way of breaking my blues and summoning the smiles out of me.

You are like a fresh baked, fudgy brownie: sweet and warm and full of ooey gooey delicious comfort.


You have the ability to make me laugh like no one else can. You soothe me. You put you little hand on my shaking heart and say "There, there, Mamma's here, don't mind me, it's all gonna be alright." And I totally believe you.

Thanks for coming to visit us, for loving my daughter, and especially for offering your help in our upcoming wedding. Somehow I forgot that you're an event planner by trade. It will be the best wedding ever! And you, my lovely made of honor, will have to work hard to not outshine me. Just this once. Cuz, you know, I'm the bride. The lucky, lucky bride.


I love you, Mamma!

Love,
Hamflounderbone

P.S. The other day I came across this poem I wrote to you 7 years ago, after we had graduated college, I'd moved to Maui, and you were across the universe in Prague:

You are the best thing that's happened to me
From the first day you showed me my friends in the tree
You're better than popcorn and Vendage merlot
Better than sled rides by a lake in the snow
And the perfect Road Buddy wherever we'll venture
When we're young or we're fat, with teeth or with dentures
I love living my life by your antecdotes
And hearing your voice through numbered post-it notes
I know we'll be laughing till we're wilted and gray
We'll drink and we'll smoke and still fall down and play
We'll reap all the joys that our good lives deserve
(Though I'll have to improve on my shuttle cock serve)
Though I live in the sun in this high island bliss
It is always you that I love and I miss
But though our lives lead us to live far apart
Know you'll always have a home in my heart
The end is long off, but once we're in it
We'll jump back into life... and begin it.


College was the best, wasn't it?!

found

where did you come from
red knee socks in the rubbish
that used to match the aqua toilet
that know is half off-white

whose little legs were tired of you
red knee socks in the trash

such a candy apple red
knitted with a cotton thread
why did somebody want you dead
red knee socks in the rubbish?

"the moon on the breast of the new fallen snow gave a luster of midday to objects below..."

* * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * *

Ten pm and the atmosphere's brighter than dawn
From my window I see the whole length of the lawn

The clouds reflect Christmas lights, giving a glow
To the soft-fallen, still, crisp, and lightly packed snow

It quilts frozen ground in a powdery blanket
If I could I'd embrace the cold earth, and I'd thank it

For showing me grace and my breath on the air
Which carries whispers of appreciative prayer

As a child I'd look through the pane past my reflection
To the stillness and wonder of snow's clean perfection

And here we are now in our home safe and warm
As the earth holds its winter breath after a storm

And the peace that has settled gives my heart quiet thrill
Now the snow has stopped falling and the white land is still
Still.

* * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * *

-ebn

to all a good night

It’s the week before Christmas and all through our house
I’ve been getting ready with my soon-to-be-spouse

The stockings I bought at WinCo for a buck
And wrote our names on them in glitter that stuck

We’ve strung up the lights and purchased warm clothes
And kissed away cold from Luciya’s red nose

We went to the woods to chop down a tree
And donated gifts to a good charity

John’s been hard working and I have been, too
With this sweet babe to whom everything’s new

The colors are cheerful, the lights are so bright
And she wears new long johns to bed each cold night

Here we are blessed, warm, and comfortable, too
And we hope that the season brings the same to you

If, in days to come, to Boise should you roam
You’re all more than welcome in this happy home.

Safe and serene holidays from a little bunch of Idahoans

With love,
John, Emily, Luciya, and Mila


father christmas from shemmy on Vimeo.

to ton-ton with love

Through laughter and tears
And vodka and beers
I can't believe it has been SIX YEARS.

You worked in a bar
First kissed me by my car
And today I adore you for all that you are

At first it was rough
All fighty and stuff
But it was all worth it - I can't get enough

You've brought me new worlds
And two beautiful girls
I just can't wait to see what else unfurls

We've built a great life
More giggles than strife
And I'm so excited to become your wife!

Happy Anniversary to the man
who blows me away.

I love you.


xoxoxo
Shem

all through the night

All through the night
Late October in 2007
We have finally entered sleeping Heaven
Our sweet babe sleeps through the night

All through the night
Though I didn't quite know what to think
And of course I hardly slept a wink
Wondering if she was all right

Oh I got a funny feeling when she first slept past three
And I started thinking, "Could it be....?"

do-do-do-do-do
do-do-do-do-do
All through the night!

happy birthday to daddy from luciya

Dear Dad:

Although I’m only 6 weeks old
I know I’m very blessed
To have a dad that lets me snuggle
On his daddy chest

I like to look into your eyes
Your kind face makes me smile
I love when you take me on walks
Around the Valley Isle

Your arms are where I like to go
When I’m feeling funky
I like when you sing songs to me
And call me Little Monkey

Thanks for helping make me
And bring me to the world
Though I really love my mama
We both know I’m Daddy’s girl.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!!

Love, Luciya

a poem from aunty clancy

L ooking at you makes me smile

U nbelievable love I have for you

C ries of joy or gas, we don't know

I n my arms you farted and it was really cute

Y ou spit up on me and that was cute too!

A lways have a place in my heart

i really loved being pregnant

You know how they say
that baby's first movements
might feel like a bubble of gas
floating down

well last night before sleeping
i felt a gas bubble
and my sleepy-mind told me
"the baby is kicking."

holiday song

In honor of May Day, and of Luciya's twelfth day on Earth, I present this little ditty.

On the twelfth day of her life my Baby gave to me:

12 morning snuggles

11 photo opps

10 toes and fingers

9 pounds of loving

8 daily feedings

7 milky spit-ups

6 poopy diapers

Fiiiive gummy grins

4 crying spells

3-hour naps

2 swollen boobs

And a trip into town all by ourselves!

eLLe* - week 1

Dear Luciya,

You are a Wonder Baby.

This morning I asked you if you knew how many weeks old you are today, and you told me!


I can't believe that as of tonight you will be a week old. After so many weeks of awaiting your arrival from within my belly, your first week on Earth has flown by, and every day has been an absolute joy.

You are miraculous. I cannot get enough of you. All I want to do is devour your irresitible little cheeks all day long. I want to absolutely engulf you with kisses.


Your skin is sweeter than syrup.

You are a sweet, sweet baby. Even though you were up for TWO STRAIGHT HOURS last night, the sighs that escape your perfect mouth are music to my sleep-deprived ears.

And I don't care what the books say, you are happy and you show it. They say that if baby appears to be smiling at this stage, it is probably just gas. But look at this face. All I see is complete contentment. However...



Your farts are comparable to any adult's. Even your dad's. Your first day in the hospital, a nurse came in to check you out. She leaned over and was just about to undo your tiny diaper when you let rip such a loud poopfart that she literally jumped back from the bassinet.

That's my girl.



Look at your perfect little hands. Since you were such a late baby, your soft, soft skin is a little flaky. I cut your fingernails for the first time the other day. Nerve-wracking!! But you didn't mind a bit, and believe it or not, the whole incident was injury-free. Even Mama walked away unharmed! (We never know about Mama.)


And you are quite self-sufficient with those little hands. If mommy's breast isn't handy, you can happily satiate yourself with your right index finger. You just jam the entire thing in your mouth and go to town.


Luciya, you are truly the light of my life.

To my week-old daughter...

May the Earth that you greet
be a peaceful Earth
May the dreams in your sleep
be unhurried
May the words that you hear
be they spoken or sung
come to you from a spiritual strength.

May your life on Earth be adorned
with garlands of music
jewels of compassion
and sparkling bubbles of laughter.

May your wisdom on Earth
be received from the forests
and cherished by you in the sun.

May the puddles on Earth
welcome your sweet feet splashing
May the dandelions long for
your whispering lips

May the daylight inspire you
the moon bring you peace
May you rest in the depths
of the breathing lands.


Love, Mama

* "Elle" is what big sister Eryn decided she is going to call little Luciya Leona. We like it!!

ode to mila

To the tune of "O Christmas Tree." Kind of.

Ton Ton: "Oh Sleepy Eye, Oh Sleepy Eye
Why do you have a sleepy eye?

Oh Sleepy Eye, Oh Sleepy Eye
My chin is gray

Oh Sleepy Eye, Oh Sleepy Eye
I like to stick my paws out straight

Oh Sleepy Eye, Oh Sleepy Eye
My tail wags."



[In conclusion:]
"The cool thing about Old Sleepy Eye is that she lived forever. They've been singing about Old Sleepy Eye for years."

nobaby nobaby still nobaby

Each night as I put on my pajamas I wonder
Will this be what I'm wearing when my water breaks?
when I feel my first contraction?

In the shower each day I think about
Shaving my legs
Because soon they should be in front of
a room filled with doctors and nurses.

When I read my novel before bed I wonder
Is this the last chapter I'll read before baby's here next to me?
Is this the last book I'll have time to enjoy
for a while?

I eat a cookie and think
This is going straight to her cheeks
And all I want to do is kiss those cheeks
Even though they may hang down to her shoulders
and we'll have to part them like the Red Sea
to find her eyes and nose.

Castor oil, tea, Mexican food, sex
I walk until the pumping of my heart should push her out.
Ton Ton asks in the night Do you feel anything?
Nothing
Except frustration.
And anticipation.
A little worry.
A lot of impatience.

A week late and counting...

another nobaby poem

Easter Sunday has come and gone

Without so much as a contraction

I told my baby to come on down

… Didn’t get the desired reaction.

April 8^th has been looming for months

Nine, to be exact

Thought our daughter would be here today

But my cervix is still intact.

I know it’s too early to complain

I must have a comfy womb

She seems quite content to stay on a while

Though she’s darn near out of room

So I sit here, patient as can be

(Not really; I said I’m ready!)

“Due date, schmue date” said Baby today

"Soon you’ll see my little heady."

So, Luciya, have fun in there

But know we can’t wait to meet you

I just hope you won’t be a teenager

When we finally get to greet you.

Love,

Mama

No Easter baby for us!

waiting for granddaughter

Luciya

We wait for the news of your arrival

Winging our way across the sea to welcome you

into our family

Anticipating, longing

What day will you chose to meet those whose hearts are

already filled with love

Eagerness, enthusiastic

Our souls receiving yours with awe and wonder

Contemplating, imagining

We wait for the news of your arrival

- Abuelita